my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
