yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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