Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
