P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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