He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
