I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
