My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
