Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
