I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
