He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
