I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
