so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
