The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
