Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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