when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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