There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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