are you still at the devil's house?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
