she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
