no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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