good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
