I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
