He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
