I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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