have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
