Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
