I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
