is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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