you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i drank out of a bidet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
