im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
