Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
