I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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