i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
