I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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