my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
