I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
