I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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