U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
