oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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