he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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