I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
