fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
