2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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