if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize
