you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
