it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
