yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
