the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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