I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
