Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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