K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't deserve a penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
