I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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