I hate your face
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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