I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
