So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
