pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
