hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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