His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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