i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
